Top 10 Things You Can’t Do Now You Have a Baby

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Your house turns into a used nappy cesspit. Your car has baby wipes in every door pocket. Your clothes are covered in sick. Your old study is now filled with baby furniture and beer bottles have been replaced with expressed milk bottles. It’s no secret that life changes dramatically when you have a baby. 


Here’s a list of my top #10 things you can’t do now you have a baby:


#1 You can’t just leave the house. Now, you’ll need to make sure you’ve got nappies, wipes, blankets, baby grows, muslins, car seat, adapters, pushchair, snoozeshade, hat, mittens, socks, 


#2 Eat you dinner in 1 sitting. For some reason, approximately half way through, the baby needs attention. Every time! 


#3 Pop into town. In fact you can’t pop anywhere. You have to work out where the lifts are etc etc


#4 You can’t watch Match of the Day in its entirety. Either you’re too tired for the evening showing or you have a baby to distract for the morning one. 


#5 Just have a bath. Long gone are the days of grabbing a trashy magazine and soaking for a long while. 


#6 You can’t wear colours – just white! Otherwise, your clothes will be stained with white sick and/or yellow poo. 


#7 Use an escalator. I have tried. It worked, but was pretty risky. I don’t recommend it!

#8 Keep to time. Allow a generous time window. “Yeah sure, we’ll meet you there at some point between 7am and 7pm?”


#9 Be spontaneous. Spon…what? I can’t even remember what that word means! 


#10 Do a clothes wash twice a week – it’s now twice a day! Stock up on washing powder when it’s on offer.



What can’t you do now you have a baby? I’d love to read them, leave your comments below.

Thanks,

Al

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19 Comments

  1. Mary Banks on

    Exactly right! These all applies to my husband! Specially #1, when we were just us, he goes to places he think he is needed.
    These are the things husbands should adjust in taking care of these little gifts given to us. :)

  2. So true! Agree with all of them plus the loo thing – I haven’t been to the loo on my own for 13 years thanks to the teen, cats, the toddler and now cats again! As for baths – I last had one about a year and a half ago and that was spent being shouted at through the door by both kids and my other half – relaxing my arse!

  3. Agree with all your points, LOLed at 7am-7pm bahahaha. Things I can’t do now include: Night out – that doesn’t exist (well not properly). Date night – pah! Toilet in peace – sure you agree with that one. A full night’s sleep? Never again :(

    Thanks for making me chuckle :-)

  4. When Seb was little I used to miss being able to get ready leisurely…like take my time putting make-up on and choosing what to wear. All of a sudden I was throwing some clothes on and slapping a bit of foundation and bronzer on. My best friend doesn’t have children yet and takes ages getting ready and I think to myself (in my evil way) “just you wait”.
    Great post! Hope it’s all going well.
    Tor x

    • Al Ferguson on

      Well being a man getting ready is all of about 2 mins so I can’t comment really but I have noticed that the wife is also even longer getting ready. I might start 2 hour count downs. Thanks for your comment though!

  5. So true. You also can’t eat anything without sharing it. I’ve tried. My 4 yo will pretend she can’t hear me when I am right in front of her, yet she can hear the near-silent rustle of a biscuit wrapper from the other room!
    We are never on time either. I was always running late before having kids though, now I feel I have a valid excuse!

  6. Ha ha ha that’s all so true! My husband once tried to use the escalator (with a pushchair)too, I had my heart in my mouth the whole time. Never again!

    #theist

    • Al Ferguson on

      My wife will tell you I’m guilty of that. Whenever we’re in town she always says that she’ll take him out & carry him. It’s perfectly safe though! I do it all the time when she’s not there. He probably does too… just so you know!

  7. Yup!! It does get easier though now – R’s bag is pretty much always packed ready to go, and also a little nip down the shops is possible WITHOUT the bag. that was a liberating day when I realised that ;)

    Thanks for linking up to #TheList (would be ace if you could add the bag to the posts you link up, love!) xx

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